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Who knew that on our trip to Boston, my pal Megan and I would end up on a high-speed boat zooming away from a mutant codfish while listening to very loud AC/DC?
Not me, that’s for sure.
It was imperative for me that on my trip to Boston I experience the famous Boston harbor – see: ‘Boston Tea Party’. So when Megan and I saw the brochure for the “Codzilla” cruise, there was no question as to whether or not we were going to partake.
We climbed on to the “twin turbo-charged diesel engines with 2800 horsepower’ boat, kind of unsure what to expect. The boat was built to hold maybe 50 people, and after securing and water-proofing our belongings, our young, hot, charismatic guide took us out to sea. We started off chuggin’ along slowly due to speed restrictions in the harbor, but as soon as we were in the clear, the captain hit the gas, our hair flew straight back, and we were off.
Then, without warning, the driver SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES (pardon my poor boating terms), and we stopped dead in front of a human waste plant while salt-water rushed aboard and soaked us head to toe.
According to local legend, – or the Codzilla guide’s script – a few years ago a bunch of cod were trapped inside the human waste plant, swimming around and being sad. Then, one day to their delight they were rescued, needfully rinsed off, and sent on their merry way to once again enjoy life in the harbor.
All the fish, that is, except for one.
There was one lonely cod trapped in the disgusting human waste plant, slowly becoming a huge mutant killer fish! Then one fateful day, when he was big enough, he burst through the wall of the plant and escaped into the harbor!
All of a sudden, our boat began circling in place and shuddering slightly. Our guide exclaimed the fish was after us, and we were off, again zooming through the harbor at 40mph!
As soon as the coast was clear from this killer fish from hell, el capitano hit the skids, we went from 40mph to 0 in 3.5, and we were left even more soaked with salt-water than before.
Multiply this routine by four, by the end of the 40-minute trip we were salty and wind-blown with scratchy eyes, and exhausted from laughing so hard.
If the Codzilla team do anything really well, it’s build ambiance. So, to calm us all down, they blasted some Sinatra as we pulled in to dock.
5/5 stars, Codzilla.